Philippians 4:6

In May a lady that I met when Colt was probably about one contacted me. Her niece was pregnant and wanting to give the baby up. This lady remembered our family from a restaurant she worked at and got a hold of me by calling Jeff's office. I talked to her niece and her boyfriend (Let's refer to them as C and B). This was to be C's ninth baby.. Yes, her ninth.. She had lost several to CPS and had given a couple up for adoption. She had told me the name of the lady who had two of her children and I looked her up on Facebook. After a few weeks and endless request for money from C and B and warnings from her aunt who introduced us, Jeff and I both agreed that there was just something not right. We pulled out. But before we did, I had sent a message to the woman who had adopted two of C's other children.
I simply said " Hi, my name is Dila. C and B contacted my husband and I about adopting their baby. I would like to talk to you about your experience".
I never heard back from her... Until today. She sent me a message saying that she never checks her Facebook and just now saw the message I sent on May 7th. She asked me to call her so of course I did.
Come to find out the whole time C was talking to me and we where paying her and B's hotel room bill, she had been promising the baby to this other lady. (We will call her F) F had told her children they where going to have a new baby sister and she was supporting C and B also. B has since been sent to prison. F prepared her home, her family and her heart for this baby girl.
The baby girl was born last week. C kept her. She never planned to give her up. She used this baby as a means to steal money from several, not just F and myself, but several more hopeful mom and dad's to be. I spent two hours talking to F about her heartbreak. I shared about Saylor. Of course this brought back so many feelings about losing our littlest princess. I miss her so much.She is still such a part of me. I guess she always will be. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about her. Miss her. Pray for her.






It makes me sick that these woman use their babies like this. It makes me so angry that they can pop one after another out without caring about what happens to them. That there are woman that use their babies as plays to hurt woman like myself that so desperately want a baby. That are good mother's and would give these babies a life full of love and safety. I am angry that I can not just get pregnant. Jeff and I desire one more baby. We both feel very blessed now. I still can not believe that the littles are ours. But our family just is not complete. There is still a piece missing.I always wanted a big family. A house full of children. It is who I am. I was born to be a Mommy. I believe it is the most important job on earth and nothing has or ever will bring me as much joy or make me more complete then what my children do.
 It is so hard sometimes to trust in the Lord even though he gave me Sara and Jeff Brenna and Oliver and that He has proved to us twice through adoption and also making me Ollie's mom in all ways that matter,  that He knows our hearts and hears our cries.
And then, as I am sitting in bed on my lap top, missing  Saylor and thinking about what we lost, I go to Facebook and right a way a post from a friend pops up....

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6"

I started crying. I truly feel that God was letting me know that He hears me. He knows my heart.  
I will keep on trusting in Him. I know His plan for our family is perfect. And I will be thankful for the five beautiful blessings he has given us. 

I am also reminded to that when God puts a word on your heart... Always share it. You just never know who it might be meant for and how He might use you to get His message to someone.

PS... If anyone knows of someone looking for a "Forever Home" for their baby... Send them our way:) 




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