Day By Day
It amazes how someone so small, someone who basically sleeps all the time except when she is hungry can come into your life and take over your heart in the matter of days. When Saylor came to us we knew it could be temporary. Her mother signed temporary custody papers for 6 months.But honestly we I felt in my heart that we would get to keep her for forever. The mother is a drug addict, in trouble with the law and homeless. The father is no better. They are not capable of raising this child safely. Thankfully the great grandmother has the baby now. But she is 65 raising the babies 3 year old brother. She is not in good health and to be honest, she is losing it. But at least for now the baby is safe. I pray for this beautiful baby and that she will be removed from this family. Even if not with us, I pray that she will be any where then she is so she will be safe.
I still have not had the strength to pack all her little clothes up. I have been working in shifts. There is just so much my heart can handle at a time. I have not even taken down her crib. I did pack up her cradle yesterday. Colt kept looking in it saying " Where did that baby go? I love that baby sister so much , Momma". Today I am going to make myself put everything up. I think I dread doing the laundry the most. I know so many of her little clothes and blankets are mixed in with all the other clothes. I pray for strength to get through this. I thank God for Ollie, Colt and Lilly. I wish my Sara was home. Never have I wanted to hold her as badly as I do now.
Over all the kids are handling it really well. Ollie
s main concern is that they will try and take Lilly. We have had to reassure him several times that that will never happen. Lilly, even though she loved the baby, was jealous. She became very clingy and did not want me out of her sight. Every time I held Saylor, Lilly had to be right there. I would joke that her tush was glued to my hip.
Sayor is Lilly's biological sister. I want Lilly to always know that we tried to keep them together. That we did everything we could to make sure her sister had the same life, love as she does. That we did our best to keep her safe. I hope Lilly will be able to tell the love we have for the baby some day when she reads this. And when Saylor is grown and she and Lilly find one another she will know how much she is loved.
I grieve this baby as if we had to bury her (which is the only thing worse then this). Our dreams did die. Our love will live on for forever.
Jeff and I know in our heart that we are not done expanding our family. We know there is another baby for us. Hope it's a girl, just because I have about 50 baby girl outfits from size newborn to 9 months. Not to mention all of Lilly's :) But I would be overjoyed with another boy as well.
I still have not had the strength to pack all her little clothes up. I have been working in shifts. There is just so much my heart can handle at a time. I have not even taken down her crib. I did pack up her cradle yesterday. Colt kept looking in it saying " Where did that baby go? I love that baby sister so much , Momma". Today I am going to make myself put everything up. I think I dread doing the laundry the most. I know so many of her little clothes and blankets are mixed in with all the other clothes. I pray for strength to get through this. I thank God for Ollie, Colt and Lilly. I wish my Sara was home. Never have I wanted to hold her as badly as I do now.
Over all the kids are handling it really well. Ollie
s main concern is that they will try and take Lilly. We have had to reassure him several times that that will never happen. Lilly, even though she loved the baby, was jealous. She became very clingy and did not want me out of her sight. Every time I held Saylor, Lilly had to be right there. I would joke that her tush was glued to my hip.
Sayor is Lilly's biological sister. I want Lilly to always know that we tried to keep them together. That we did everything we could to make sure her sister had the same life, love as she does. That we did our best to keep her safe. I hope Lilly will be able to tell the love we have for the baby some day when she reads this. And when Saylor is grown and she and Lilly find one another she will know how much she is loved.
I grieve this baby as if we had to bury her (which is the only thing worse then this). Our dreams did die. Our love will live on for forever.
Jeff and I know in our heart that we are not done expanding our family. We know there is another baby for us. Hope it's a girl, just because I have about 50 baby girl outfits from size newborn to 9 months. Not to mention all of Lilly's :) But I would be overjoyed with another boy as well.
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