Today is the day....
Today is a day that my family has been waiting for for a little over 6 months .
Today is when my family becomes completely and totally complete.
Today is the day that I can start living my life without that fear of losing my heart lingering always in the back of my mind.
Today is the day that I can actually truly relax again.
Today is one of the happiest days of my life.
Today is the day that That Lilly becomes completely, totally and legally ours.
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I can not help but to think back of all those years that I desired a baby. I was so blessed to be able to have Sara. She was and is my precious baby girl. I am so thankful to be her mother and to have watched her grow into the woman she is to day. But thanks to divorce and a horrible ex husband and mother in law, I had to fight just to be her mother for most of her life.
I always desired more children. I knew from the time I was a young child that I was born to be a mommy.
Month after month the tears would come.
Year after year I saw my friends families grow.
My arms remained empty.
At times I had to fight feelings of anger.
Anger at my girl friends for being able to have babies so easily.
Anger at my body for not doing what a woman was made to do.
Anger at those cute little Pamper commercials that would come on at the worse possible moment.
Anger at God for not giving me the babies I so deeply longed for or at the least, take the aching desire away from me.
Anger at myself for being angry.
I learned to avoid the baby departments at Target and Dillards.
I always tried to find a excuse to not go to baby showers.
Looking back, my heart started to harden. I cried out to God so many times, I secertly thought He did not care or that he was punishing me.
Now I see He had a perfect plan all along.
One that was better then anything I could dream of.
Almost three years ago , my then 3 year old step son came to live with us. The same month, Jeff and I where blessed with the most wonderful news, we had been choseg to adopt a baby.
In March of 09 we welcomed our son, Colt.
My heart melted. I was whole. I never felt more like a woman or closer to God. I had a 17 year old, beautiful daughter, a husband who I adore, a spunky step daughter and I had two precious boys... what else could I ask for?
In the back of my mind I felt like there was still something missing. I still had a desire for one more baby. Jeff and I talk about adopting another baby daily.
I really thought the feelings I had where only because I was so use to wanting a baby. I was afraid that I was being selfish or un grateful. I spent the last 17 years wanting a baby, so I must just be use to wanting one.
Come to find out God had BIG plans for our family.
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Just 6 months ago, on December 6, 2010 we welcomed our beautiful daughter, Lilly Elizabeth into our lives, hearts and families.
For the first time in my life I know my family is complete.
Even though Lilly has been my baby the minute I held her in my arms, today at 1pm she became ours legally. She will never be taken away.
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I love this little girl so much that I feel like my heart will explode.
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I could not love her more if she would of came from my body.
I am so thankful that this was God's plan for my life.
Lilly and her brothers have erased 17 years of pain and tears. God used them to heal my heart and I have never felt closer to Him. This has taught me to trust in God in all things.
His timing is ALWAYS perfect
I just want to be the best mother, woman, wife and Christian for them that I can be.
Today is when my family becomes completely and totally complete.
Today is the day that I can start living my life without that fear of losing my heart lingering always in the back of my mind.
Today is the day that I can actually truly relax again.
Today is one of the happiest days of my life.
Today is the day that That Lilly becomes completely, totally and legally ours.
I can not help but to think back of all those years that I desired a baby. I was so blessed to be able to have Sara. She was and is my precious baby girl. I am so thankful to be her mother and to have watched her grow into the woman she is to day. But thanks to divorce and a horrible ex husband and mother in law, I had to fight just to be her mother for most of her life.
I always desired more children. I knew from the time I was a young child that I was born to be a mommy.
Month after month the tears would come.
Year after year I saw my friends families grow.
My arms remained empty.
At times I had to fight feelings of anger.
Anger at my girl friends for being able to have babies so easily.
Anger at my body for not doing what a woman was made to do.
Anger at those cute little Pamper commercials that would come on at the worse possible moment.
Anger at God for not giving me the babies I so deeply longed for or at the least, take the aching desire away from me.
Anger at myself for being angry.
I learned to avoid the baby departments at Target and Dillards.
I always tried to find a excuse to not go to baby showers.
Looking back, my heart started to harden. I cried out to God so many times, I secertly thought He did not care or that he was punishing me.
Now I see He had a perfect plan all along.
One that was better then anything I could dream of.
Almost three years ago , my then 3 year old step son came to live with us. The same month, Jeff and I where blessed with the most wonderful news, we had been choseg to adopt a baby.
In March of 09 we welcomed our son, Colt.
My heart melted. I was whole. I never felt more like a woman or closer to God. I had a 17 year old, beautiful daughter, a husband who I adore, a spunky step daughter and I had two precious boys... what else could I ask for?
In the back of my mind I felt like there was still something missing. I still had a desire for one more baby. Jeff and I talk about adopting another baby daily.
I really thought the feelings I had where only because I was so use to wanting a baby. I was afraid that I was being selfish or un grateful. I spent the last 17 years wanting a baby, so I must just be use to wanting one.
Come to find out God had BIG plans for our family.
For the first time in my life I know my family is complete.
Even though Lilly has been my baby the minute I held her in my arms, today at 1pm she became ours legally. She will never be taken away.
I love this little girl so much that I feel like my heart will explode.
I could not love her more if she would of came from my body.
I am so thankful that this was God's plan for my life.
Lilly and her brothers have erased 17 years of pain and tears. God used them to heal my heart and I have never felt closer to Him. This has taught me to trust in God in all things.
His timing is ALWAYS perfect
I just want to be the best mother, woman, wife and Christian for them that I can be.
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